I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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