I am in a vortex of obligation.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
