he thought i was a dude.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
