Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
