he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
