Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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