I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
dude i'm inner monologue high
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
