I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
