what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
ugly people sure do ruin things
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize