They should really pass out barf bags in church
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
