Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
It's Friday. Sex?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
