I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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