best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize