i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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