Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
