Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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