Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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