i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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