Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
