the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
