I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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