So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
