I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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