tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize