so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
