Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
