Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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