He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I understand Curling. That high.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize