he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
