would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
