I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
