Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
