I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize