hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you will always have a special place in my vag
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
