I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
