Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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