I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
