everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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