Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
false alarm, still single
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