I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
