Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
i out mim tonsoeep
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
