I puked a lego.
handjob tips. give me some.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
