We named our party play list daddy issues
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
