tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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