So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
