is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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