Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Operation Purity has been aborted
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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