Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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