it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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