so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
