Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
