so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize