i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
