masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
