someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
