I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
