After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
