this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
