a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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