If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I have already put on my inside pants.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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