dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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