THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
