she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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