I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
We had sex on a dog bed..
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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